Sat, Apr 25, 2020
Read in 3 minutes
Indore Hub, India
The face of the world as we know it has changed. We seem to have adapted to living life one day at a time, never being sure of what the next day might bring. Amidst the uncertainty and chaos, the need for human relationships is felt stronger than before. In a strange way, social distancing has turned to emotional bonding. While the pandemic has brought families together, it has also re-established the fact that home is not a safe space for everyone. Globally, the number of domestic violence cases and mental health crisis calls is steeply on the rise. In bizarre cases we have incidents of violence against healthcare workers and Police staff. The human connection of the pandemic is twisted and diabolical. While we wash hands for collective health do we also wash hands off of collective duty? While we go comfortably numb in the safety of our homes do we also need to be comfortably numb of the safety of our neighbors? These questions haunted me since a complete lockdown was announced in India and world over. Being a psychologist and social worker suddenly forced to work from home I asked myself what I could do to help.
Upon setting up online and telephonic counseling services, I received calls from couples sharing domestic troubles. Relationships had suddenly become pivotal when earlier these couples were spending most of their time in offices and enjoying a thriving social life. Within a few weeks, it became clear to me that the challenge was managing emotions. Feelings of anxiousness, fear and frustration have seeped into our collective consciousness. The ‘can’t live with, can’t live without’ nature of romantic attachments in most adults is in focus, now more than ever. While a couple with children has a different set of issues, Daniel Goleman’s age old wisdom of Emotional Intelligence comes in handy for everyone. Famously defined by the psychologist as, ‘the ability to successfully manage emotions of self and others’ his work became a definitive workbook for adults, in post Industrial Revolution era, dealing with the stress of early capitalism. Not much has changed except human resource professionals would probably narrate his work and help out in professional relationships. What about our personal relationships? How much times does a modern-day adult have to cultivate a real relationship when our priorities have been laid out for us by a 12-hour a day work schedule? The hustle culture leaves little room for self care let alone nurturing a relationship with a partner.
As I found out through my online counseling initiative, those alone weren’t faring so well either. For them, loneliness was more intensified than ever. The chief complaints were overthinking, fear of the future/unknown and sleep disturbances including insomnia. Following Cognitive Behavioral Techniques, when I would ask them what they thought would help best in their situation, the common answer was – a partner. On further CBT inquiry it was revealed that the need had more to do with the idea of a partner than actually being in a relationship with one. They had intellectualized a need for romance as something only meant to pull one out from down in the dumps. The concept of a partnership based on equality seemed lost. My findings led me down the rabbit hole of thinking about human relationships and why we need to understand them better. It took a pandemic for us to realize that when we are left with no jobs and nowhere to go, it is our relationships – romantic or otherwise – which give meaning to our lives.